Wednesday December 24th, 2008 - Christmas Eve

It's amazing how hard it is to find the time to write in my journal now. It is on my "to do" list everyday, but I am happy if I can get to it once a week if that. Marley is one month old now! Time is flying by just like every parent warned. Marley has already gained over 3 lbs. and grown 2 inches +! She is a chunker! Still eating about every two hours...sometimes she will go three which makes a big difference for mommy! I just can't wait until she is sleeping through the night! I really can't imagine what that will be like. Greg and I have been a pretty good team...I go to bed at 8 and pump 2 bottles so that he can feed her at 10 and 12 and then he sleeps from 12-7, so we each get ok sleep :) We had a rough week last week, as I got mestitus (breast infection where milk ducts become clogged) and was completely out of commission! I went to a breastfeeding support group last Wednesday because I was having a lot of pain and the nurse said that it appeared I was in the early stages of Mestitis. Sure enough when I got home I started to feel flu like symptoms(achy and high fever) which I read were signs of having mestitis so I called the doctor and they put me on antibiotics. Breastfeeding hurt so bad, but the key to unplugging the milk ducts is to nurse through it....yeah, that whole experience not so amazing!! It also decreased my milk supply and we were so close to having to supplement with formula but I insisted of sticking to nursing only and sure enough everything turned out fine and we are back to normal. Only now I have hemroids that are killing me. Man, I knew it was too good to be true when I had the easiest pregnancy ever and a perfect gorgeous baby! One thing that is helping is that Marley just started smiling about a week ago and it makes my heart melt everytime I see it.
So, I still want to catch up on the last couple of weeks. Pictures will do most of the talking, but a few things to note that didn't get into my last entry. G-MAH came to visit December 2-9 and was our last visitor. She was so helpful!! She cleaned my house for me, bought us a christmas tree, taught me how to crucee (spelling?)and started making Marley a blanket!!
There just always something comforting about having your mommy around!! THANKS MOM for always being there ALWAYS if you are reading this:) Once mom left it was just Marley and me cuz Greg went back to work that Monday following Thanksgiving. I was a little nervous to be alone mostly because I was still supposed to be taking it easy and couldn't lift anything because of the surgery but anyone that knows me knows that I can't "relax" so it was back to going for walks and to Target!! We had a great first day alone walking to starbucks and hanging out with the morning crew (Megan and Nestor and Peyton)and all the other regulars. Even perfect strangers who always knew me as the pregnant girl stopped to see Marley and to congratulate us :)



Shopping was just as fun and surprisingly easy. Marley just sleeps the entire time...the car ride knocks her out and she stays asleep for about two hours until she is hungry again, but even then I can feed her at Target or wherever I am because they make these great little gadgets now called hooter hiders which make breastfeeding in public fashionable :)
Daddy gets home about 3 everyday and then he usually takes a nap with Marley. Its so precious to see them sleep together! Then our nights are pretty mellow...just watch movies and play with her when she is awake between feedings. This home all the time thing is very hard for me. We are getting the wii fit for Christmas so that at least I can be doing something somewhat active when I am stuck at home. Especially when I used to walk 3-6 miles a day...I am definitely missing that. On the other hand, we have also done a pretty good job keeping our entertaining lifestyle, which I am so happy about! We have had several dinner parties over the last couple of weeks and to be honest that hasn't gotten any harder with a newborn :)
Last Sunday Marley and me went to Micah's 1st birthday party! It was nice to have the gang back together again. We have all been so busy...me having a baby, Cheryl and Claudine both got married in the last couple of months and Trish has been working a lot and having a hard time at home :(
Well, I need to get out of bed, feed Marley and take a shower to get ready to go to the dr. and do a bunch of last minute christmas shopping (yeah, christmas is tomorrow!) Until next time....hopefully Marley won't already be off to Kindergarden :)

Thursday December 11th, 2008

MARLEY IS HERE!!!! And will be turning 3 weeks old tomorrow evening at 5:58 pm! I cannot believe that it has already been three weeks. Marley is growing so fast and is getting so much cuter with every passing minute! I will now attempt to recap the last three weeks.....
I officially went into labor in the middle of the night (about 2am) on Thursday November 20th. Greg and I stayed awake all night timing my contractions but they remained about 10-15 mins. apart so Greg went to work at 7 and I continued to keep an eye on the contractions. I was scheduled to go into the hospital that night to get a cervix softener to help prepare me for my induction Friday morning at 7, so I called the doctor and asked what I should do now since my labor had seemed to begin on its own. The nurse told me to go walking if I could, so Liana and I went on a 6 mile walk while I got the 4 runner detailed for Marley's homecoming :) My last nesting effort! The house was spotless and now the cars were too! After returning from the long walk my contractions were closer to 5 mins. apart so when Greg got home from work at about 3, we packed up and decided to go the hospital a little early.
I was so ANXIOUS. A combo of nerves and excitement...I couldn't believe that the moment we had been waiting and preparing for for so long was finally here!!! We packed our bags and prepared the house just as we would before going on vacation and then got in the car. It was Greg, Liana and I. When we arrived, they put me in a room and once we were settled they checked gave me an exam. I was dialated 2 cm...I WAS IN ACTIVE LABOR!! They told us that there was really no need for the cervix softener at this point and that we could go ahead and induce labor now if we wanted or we could go home and come back at 7am. As tempting as it was to stay and get things underway, we decided (as a team!) to go home and get a good nights rest and return in the morning. I liked the idea of laboring on my own and getting that one last nights sleep! They gave me an ambient to help me sleep through the contractions (because at this point they were really starting to get painful) and boy did it help! They had to give it to me at the hospital and within 5 mins of leaving, I felt VERY sleepy. Before I knew it, we were waking up to head back to the hospital to have a baby!!!!
As soon as they started the patocin, my contractions became much stronger and closer together. Greg and Liana did a great job helping me through them, but at 4 cm I decided I wanted an epidural and OMG!!! Epidurals are crazy! I felt nothing after that and was able to sleep through my contractions! The doctor was checking my progression every 2 hours and I seems to be dialating about a cm an hour. Lori joined us at about 10am and was videotaping me talk about how much I loved my crushed ice when I felt a big gush of warm fluid poor out of me! I knew it wasn't pee because since I had an epidural they had to put a cathedar in me. My water had broken!!! The nurse told me that I should try and sleep through my labor and rest up for the pushing so Liana and Lori left for awhile and left Greg and I to rest. They returned with beautiful roses for me and a big ol burrito for Greg's "last meal". It was so big, he held it like a baby :)
Megan came by about 3 with a bunch of cookies and brownies she baked for the nurses! We talked about this weeks before as a way to get extra good care :) The cookies were definitely a hit!
Before I knew it I was 7 cm and this is where it really started to get exciting. Since I was dialating about a cm per hour, the doctor was estimating that I would be pushing in about 3 hours, which at this point seemed like no time at all!
Labor was a lot different then I ever imagined. I had always said I would wait until 6-7 cm before getting an epidural and thought that I would be in the shower and using the birth ball to get through contractions. The reality of it was that none of that would have made a difference.
I was in so much pain that it really felt stupid not to get an epidural and once I did, there was really no need for my birthing team. But don't they look good!! We all looked forward to the pushing...then I would really need them! BUT things started to get pretty interesting at about 4pm. I was 8cm at this point and Marley's heart rate was dropping with each contraction. At first the nurse and doctor didn't seem worried at all. They said that the pattern was very much like what they see when there is a cord around the baby's neck, but NOT to worry because that was very, very common. I tried not to worry but of course I was scared! I kept telling myself to stay relaxed and tried so hard not to worry because I knew that would just make my body more tense, but sure enough the doctor came in at about 5 and explained that the situation was a little more serious than he would like and that we were headed in direction of a c-section unless things changed. We instantly agreed to an internal monitor to get a more accurate reading of Marley's heart rate to make sure it was as low as the external monitor was showing and I was given an amniotic infusion where they inject fluid into me to help the baby to float again, therefore taking the pressure of the cord off of her neck. Here heart rate did improve, but not enough to make the doctor comfortable with allowing me to continue to labor naturally. Also, I had not dialated any more since 8cm...it was as if my body ceased to labor any further on its own. At this point Dr. Dunn recommended that we proceed with an emergency c-section for the good of me and baby and since he has one of the lowest c-section rates in the county, we knew it was serious and that we should take his recommendation. Plus, we had done all we could to prevent it at this point. At 5:30 we decided to go ahead with the c-section and at 5:58 Marley Anne Hartgraves was born. I have never been as scared as I was during that procedure. I couldn't stop shaking all throughout and for hours afterwards, but the times I was holding Marley I felt no pain and no fear!!!
What an amazing feeling to see your perfect child for the first time! I couldn't hold her right away but they held her up over the curtain so that I could see her and she was looking right at me and reaching for me!!! It was the most amazing moment of my life! I thought maybe I was the only one that saw it, but Greg couldn't believe it either and actually got a picture of it!!

For the next 3 days, we stayed at the hospital (room 203) and it was a nice little home for those 3 days. The nurses were great and very helpful with breastfeeding tips! We didn't get any sleep but somehow it was okay. We had a lot of visitors which was actually really nice since we couldn't go home for a few days. Chris and Lindsey came with Alison and Madison. John and Sara came and brought Starbucks!! Dad and Marge flew in!! Pete and Laura and the girls (including 2 week old Avery) came. Scott and Melissa came. Nancy, Jeff and Ryan came. We felt very loved and so thankful to have so many great friends and family! Dad and Marge were supposed to fly home Sunday night but decided to stay with us until Thanksgiving, so we checked out Monday morning and the 5 of us headed home. Goodbye Scripps Memorial Room 203...it was fun!!
We got home at about 3 pm Monday and were greeted with a surprise sign on the garage that all the kids in the neighborhood had made. It was such a nice surprise!!! It felt so good to be home! Dad and Marge had stayed the night before and so the house was nice and clean and they even went grocery shopping for us. They cooked and cleaned and waited on us hand and foot. It was nice considering I was not allowed to do anything because of my surgery. It was also nice to have the extra TLC for Marley since Greg and I were SO exhausted!! By the end of the day Wednesday we had a full house. Dean and Sharla, Max and Jack drove from Tempe and Brian and Carolyn drove from Central Point. Dad and Marge got dinner for everyone and we had a really, really nice evening with all the family! At one point I just sat on the couch watching all the family play scrabble together while I held my new daughter and I started crying happy tears because I was so overwhelmed with joy at that moment :) Yeah, I was extremely hormonal, but I was also just really, really HAPPY to have all my family there to share in such an important time in our lives!! The hormones were back a few hours later when I found myself crying myself to bed because I felt so tired and overwhelmed. Now looking back it already feels like so long ago because now I feel like an old pro :) It was a very hard first week and I am just so thankful we had so much help....the moral support was the most important. It was nice to hear how normal my feelings were because i felt a little crazy at times:)
The next day was Thanksgiving and Sharla came prepared to handle the entire dinner herself....she is so industrious and just amazing...I idolize her!!! At one point, she was cooking while Dean was doing our laundry! The boys were so cute and set the table. I think I was in bed by 8 that night....the first night that I went to bed without my baby. Here are some pics of the family. I am signing off for now but will catch up more on these last three weeks tomorrow!

Wednesday November 19th, 2008

Probably my last journal entry before I am a mommy. Liana flew in Monday to assist with my labor which made this whole surreal mommy preparation REAL! She got in at one Monday afternoon and I drove down to the SD airport to pick her up. For some reason I was having a really hard time with that trip down to the airport....my belly was so tight and so uncomfortable!! Once I got Liana in the car I found the first parking spot I saw in Little Italy and went on a mission to find a bathroom and a bite to eat. Really, I just needed a break from sitting in the car! We found the cutest little italian restaurant and sat at a cozy little table next to the open window with the sun shining in on us :) We shared some wine and a fabulous salad...and got this cute pic!
That night Greg cooked a homemade italian dinner...my favorite Olive Garden dish...Chicken Parmagiana and alfredo farfale mmmmmmmm. Megan and Peyton came over to join us. Everyone had a great time! I was in bed by 10:45 which is a super late night for me. Yesterday I woke up and went to the gym and then on a walk with Megan and Peyton AND THEN on another walk with Liana at the beach! I was on a mission to walk Marley right out of me!! Me and Liana had such a great walk on the beach in Oceanside...we were the only ones for miles on the beach and got so carried away with the beauty that surrounded us that we got totally lost and had to back track about a mile to find the car :)
Then it was back to the house to get showered and ready to go the my 40TH WEEK Dr. appointment!!! Greg came home and we all got in the 4runner to head down to Dr.Dunns office in Carmel Valley. We had a 3 pm ultrasound and then a 4 o' clock with the doc. The ultrasound was so cool because we got to see Marley's face super close up and she is sooooo beautiful!! She has the best lips! I think they are mine, but Greg is convinced they are his :) Most likely they are a combination...yeah, we'll go with that! Glad I asked if there was any way we could know how big she was and found out she was estimated at 8.1 lbs! And that is with a margin of error of 1 lb meaning that she could be 7 or 9 pounds! I was shocked because everyone tells me how small I am and how the baby must be "so little". I was having a hard time believing that all the food I have been consuming wasn't making for a fat baby and sure enough, it has been! We had some fun in the dr. office waiting for Dr. Dunn to come in....here is Greg playing doctor :) I was laughing so hard it hurt! Dr. Dunn came in and examined me and I was still only about 1-2 cm dialated and 70% effaced. He said that my cervix was not as "ripe" as a typical patient who is getting ready to go into labor but that because of the size of the baby we should definitely talk about induction. I couldn't believe that he said that! I had always thought that induction wasn't even an option until you were 10 days - 2 weeks overdue, but Dr. Dunn expressed that the baby was well "cooked" and ready to come out anytime. We thought about it and it did sound nice to know we would have Marley while Liana was here and before Thanksgiving so that we could enjoy all the family that will be here without having to wonder when we would be rushing to the hospital. Dr. Dunn said if we wanted to consider induction and wanted to have him deliver, that Friday (Marley's due date) and Monday were the only options and that he thought that this Friday was already full so we were thinking Monday. WELL, turns out they had a spot open up on Friday and so....WE ARE INDUCING ON FRIDAY AND MARLEY WILL BE BORN ON NOVEMBER 21ST!!!! We actually have to go into the hospital Thursday night to get a "cervix ripening" ring placed inside me so that overnight my cervix will soften and then we will check into labor and delivery Friday AM to get induced and begin the labor process! I can't believe it is all happening and Marley will be in our arms in less then 2 days from now!!!!
Tonight Liana is cooking us dinner and Lori and Kayla are coming over...the whole birthing team! It is so weird to think about things as "lasts" like my last big yummy dinner before I am a mommy and my last trip to the gym for a long time in the morning and my last good night of sleep! I am trying to really appreciate every last peaceful moment, but I am so damn excited at the same time and just can't wait until Friday!!!
Here is a funny pic that Liana took of Marley all bunched up on the right side of my belly like she likes to do :) Now that we have seen her in the ultrasound, we know that it is her legs that are on that side all squished up. I was sure that it was her back side that was making that big bulge, but nope....she must just have some legs on her!

Wednesday November 12th, 2008

39 WEEKS PREGNANT TODAY!!!!!
What a journey it has been! I am so excited to meet Marley...it's killing me. Went to the doctor yesterday and I am still 1 cm and 80% effaced, but her head is actually higher than it was two weeks ago. She was a -1 two weeks ago and now she is a -3. Of course we were a little bummed because we are so anxious to have her in our arms, but I also know that she won't come until she is ready so I will patiently wait :) Plus, Liana is flying in just to be here for the birth and she doesn't get in until the 17th (5 more days). Megan's husband Keith thinks Marley will come on the 15th and Greg thinks she will come on her due date (the 21st). All this time, I thought she would come early, but now I am starting to think she may be a Thanksgiving baby. I honestly feel that she can come any minute because my belly is SO tight that I don't know how it will grow any more without puncturing the bag of water and breaking it. I learned that only 10% of women begin labor with their water breaking (so it rarely happens the way it does in the movies of course), but I think this would be so exciting. I love walking into restaurants thinking "will my water break here?!" What a great story that would make :) Its all exciting to think about really though. Knowing that any moment could be THE moment is quite a thrill! And to think that in just 2 weeks, we will be here at home with our new babygirl and a house full of family for Thanksgiving is such an amazing and heart warming feeling!! Carolyn has been calling me every day checking on me and the baby and is just so excited...its really cute! I get so excited to see the look on everyones face when they meet her for the first time! Grandma Suzy get's here on December 2nd and having three generations of us girls together will be so meaningful!!!! Then when Marley and me are up to flying, we will take a trip back home and visit great grandma Lucy for all four generations to be together :) I am most excited to see grandma Lucy hold Marley....how amazing that will be!!
Here are some recent photos. The first one is our childbirth class that we took at Tri-City hospital right down the street. We had so much fun in this class! It was once a week for 6 weeks and we learned a little bit about everything including breathing and birthing techniques. We are supposed to have a class reunion in January with all the babies which should be a lot of fun!







Our friends James is a photographer and came to the house to take some pics of us at 37 weeks and then my friend Jamie took some belly pics of me the next day. Between the two photoshoots, we got some very nice pics :)

Pete and Laura gave birth to their third little girl last Sunday 11/9! She was finally induced since her due date was 11/1. Avery Francis McKinlay is so BEAUTIFUL!! We went to the hospital and saw then just a couple hours after she was born and I couldn't believe how fabulous Laura looked! She looked so relaxed and just gorgeous....not like she had just given birth. This was her third, so granted she has had some practice. She said the birth was like a spa day compared to the pain of her entire pregnancy....poor thing. Avery came in just two pushes and was born a perfect little girl with a head full of beautiful black hair! Holding her was an incredible feeling for me because all I could think about was how I would be holding my own little girl just days from now (fighting back tears right now!). I was so tripped out by the fact that a baby just like this one was inside me right now. WOW, it was an incredible experience. Marley and Avery are going to be the best of friends :)
This pic is just last weekend when I was going to visit lindsey for her birthday! Linds has become a very very dear friend to Greg and I and I was so glad I could be there for her because I guess no one really remembered her b-day and she was bummed! I cheered her up with some gifts and some girlie time :) It was nice! Her and Chris are getting married on the Hudson river in up state NY next September and Greg and I are definitely going. We have never been to NY before so I am hoping to make it into a nice little trip. I asked Dad if him and Marge would like to come stay in the house and watch Marley while we go which hopefully works out. This way we can take a couple days and explore NYC!!! Then in November we will take Marley for her first vacation to Maui!!! We just booked it thanks to mom (THANK YOU MOM) and we are so excited for our first family vacation.
I am proud to say that Marley and me were part of one of the biggest days in history....we voted together on November 4th for Obama who was later that day announced the new president of the united states. I am excited for Marley's future with Obama as president as I think this world will start to see a lot of good changes!
I love this pic of Kayla and my belly!!! This pic was taken quite awhile back...around August time I believe, so that would have made me about 7 months or so.


Here is Greg at our 38 week appointment. Every time he comes the doc (dr. dunn) gives him the honor of listening to the heartbeat! It is fun because Greg gets to participate....otherwise he just sits there and gets to watch the doc stick his hand waaaayyy up inside to feel Marley's head :)
Our next appointment and last appointment is next Tuesday the 18th. We will get an ultrasound which is exciting because I want to see how big this girl is!! And if she comes before then??? Guess we'll see!!!!!!

Thursday October 16th, 2008

It's been a while since my last entry. I have definitely gotten bigger...now 36 weeks! Here are a couple pics from over the last couple of weeks...you can definitely see my "basketball belly" now. I love it! I think I will miss being pregnant! My belly button is so close to popping out! I feel it almost every couple of mins just to check :) For not working I have been keeping so busy! Nesting takes up most of my time :) I had my baby shower on October 4th and as soon as that was over I hit it hard to get all the things we needed for baby Marley and us so that we don't have to think about much but baby for the first few months.
I have been trying to stock up on all the household necessities like laundry detergent, dish soap, hygiene products, food, even glade plug ins so that my house stays smelling nice with all the poopy diapers in our future :)
I am happy to say that as of last night I think we now have everything we need for Marley! Her room is a mess right now...full of all the cute clothes I need to wash before putting away, all the things that need assembling like crib, bookshelves, etc...but by next weekend it should be complete and I am so excited to see that "after" picture!!
My shower was so much fun! It was on Saturday October 4th at the West Bistro Steak House in Carlsbad.
We had a big table (for 20 girls) inside with beautiful place settings, tons of flowers & gifts, a pre-arranged champagne brunch menu printed and placed on every place-setting...just beautiful! It was such a great group of girls too. I remember looking around the table and thinking "wow, i have some beautiful friends!". Everyone looked so nice and had so much fun. Lori and Sara threw the shower for me and what an amazing job they did! We all chatted for the first while and then while we waited for food, lori had me draw names out of a vase and the winners won crazy prizes like a $100 gift certificate to the spa!! I couldn't believe it! Then she gave me a gift certificate to go and get a massage after I have the baby...I cannot wait until the day I get to use that!! Who was there...Lori, Sara, Laura, Melissa, Myla, Kim, Susan, Nancy, Claudine, Trish, Carol, Wendy, Allison (and baby madison), Anna and Megan came by for a few minutes on her break from the hummer dealership down the street! Sharla and the fam drove from Tempe so that she could come to my shower so she was there as well! I was bummed that a few of the girls couldn't make it...Lindsey was wine tasting in Sonoma :( But we had her and Chris over to celebrate their engagement the other night and they got Marley her baby einstien activity center and her piggy bank with her first dollar!!!
Dean, Sharla and the boys stayed the weekend and through the following Wednesday. We had a lot of fun. The morning of the shower we all went down to the farmers market here in Vista and got some flowers and fresh veggies for dinner. On the way home from the shower I called home and the guys were already through a case of beer almost so Sharla and I stopped to get some more for them. Dean was on a roll that night and was cracking us all up! The next day we slept in, had some coffee and breakfast and headed out on a walk while Greg went to coach is baseball team (he has to be there 1 hour before the game). It was such a nice weekend...very fall feeling with the leaves turned color and covering the ground. It even dropped from about 90 degrees down to about 70 so it was nice and brisk :) After our walk we went to old town vista baseball fields to watch Greg's game. He is so cute as "Coach Greg" :) Afterwards we went to Oggies and had some wings and pizza and then headed home. Over the next couple of days, the hartgraves stayed down in Del Mar, so we met them down there and hung out at the beach, ate some california burritos, got some ice cream....good times.
Cheryl, Claudine and Anna have all tied the knot in the last month!!! Jake and Anna's wedding was out at the Rancho Bernardo Inn in Escondido which was so much fun. Greg had a lot of white wine and was hilarious! Then in the car ride home he got super sensitive/sentimental/emotional..what ever you want to call it...it was so cute. He told me "thank you for giving me the best gift I could ever ask for (Marley)" and then he went on and on about he wants to give away all of our worldly possessions and move to another country because the US is going to hell. We actually had some very deep and meaningful conversations that night and when he woke up in the morning he remembered almost all of it and we talked for another couple of hours and just had a really nice morning. I felt so much closer to him after that and ever since we have been different...better the way that we seem to appreciate eachother more after realizing that we have a lot to be thankful for in such a f'd up world.
Last weekend was Laura McKinlay's baby shower. She is about two weeks further along than me with their third daughter! She is the cutest pregnant woman ever....always looking super hot! She makes me feel bad because my pregnancy has been SO easy and she is in so much pain :( On top of not feeling good, she works full time and has the two girls, church obligations, etc...I don't know when she ever gets "Laura time" but she seems very happy so I don't worry about her too much :) It seems that as overwhelming kids can seem at times, having them in your life is way more rewarding than anything else!!
Last night was Greg and my second to last Childbirth class. We practiced breathing techniques for during pushing.
Ever Wednesday 7-9 is class and we always go to Frugos the frozen yogurt place on the way there! That is my favorite place!!! I go almost everyday yet I still sample all the flavors everytime I go just because I can (free ice cream man!!). We have SO much fun in our class! Greg and I are always giggling at something...so bad that I have almost had to leave the classroom on several occasions. We just get so silly. I don't know if its the frozen yogurt before hand or just hearing the words like "penis"...we have fun and thats all that matters :)
Ta ta for now...going to the library to check out some breastfeeding videos. Tried You Tube but that just got me some video about an 8 year old girl who still breastfeeds...YUCK!